March 29, 2024

Boomerangs, Boundaries & Expectations

Posted on April 30, 2015 by in MoneyWise

With graduation season around the corner, what are the chances you could experience a boomerang child returning to the nest? Some parents may view such an experience as pure joy. If you are not part of that crowd, setting some boundaries and expectations early can help protect family relationships and assist your children with a successful launch.

Consider parameters in at least four areas: time, chores, general conduct and finances. Include consequences for failing to comply and put everything in writing to avoid misunderstandings and to make clear that you are serious. If you have more than one child to whom these guidelines may apply, think about the implications beyond just the current boomerang child.Nov2011Calendar72

Time: How long are you willing to let the child remain in your home before she finds a place of her own? What extenuating circumstances might change the answer and to what degree? How will you enforce the time limit?

Chores: How do you expect your child to assist around the house while he remains there? At a minimum a child should clean his own room, wash his own clothes, and clean up his own messes in common areas. It may also be reasonable for a child to assist with yardwork, general household cleaning, cooking or other kitchen duty, etc.

General Conduct: Your child may need guidance on general behavior while living with you. Do you need to make clear that sheToDoListW is to comply with all laws since you might face adverse consequences for her illegal behavior while she is in your home? Do you need to make it clear that their communications and conduct are to be respectful to yourself and your values, as well as to the rest of the family and to guests in your home?

Finances: The issue of finances may be the most challenging and open to the widest range of possibilities. Some children may find work and be in a position to pay rent or otherwise help with expenses. Often parents continue to provide temporary financial aid to their adult children, even when they have moved out, until they can take on that role completely. This may especially be true if they are living at home and have not found work in their preferred field. The goal for most parents is to provide temporary financial “training wheels” until the child can function fully on his own. You and your child might develop a schedule of declining assistance over a period of months as she gets better established and able to cover more of her expenses.Money&CreditCard72

Keep in mind that your child is inexperienced and may need financial coaching, although he may not acknowledge it. Pay special attention to expenses that you view as necessities that your child may think she can do without. Examples are auto and medical insurance. If she lets these drop and has a big claim, who do you think will wind up paying for it?

Expectations: Why is it important to establish boundaries and clearly communicate as early as possible? Simply put, it helps to avoid expectation gaps. An expectation gap occurs when two or more people in a relationship are thinking in fairly different ways about what some aspect of the future looks like. It happens quite often between spouses, parents and children, bosses and employees. An expectation gap is typically the result of a “failure to communicate” (remember Cool Hand Luke?). The longer the gap persists, the wider it grows and the more jarring it is when it is exposed. Clear and proactive communication is the best antidote.

Alan Wallace

Alan Wallace

Alan Wallace, CFA, ChFC, CLU, is a Senior Private Wealth Advisor for Ronald Blue & Co.’s Montgomery office, www.ronblue.com/location-al. He can be reached at 334-270-5960, or by e-mail at alan.wallace@ronblue.com.

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