“Grand” Parenting (part 3 of 3)
Posted on November 1, 2012 by bob in Financial
Divorce, death of parents, or a parent’s work or school-related responsibilities are just a few of the reasons some grandparents assume full- or part-time responsibility for their grandchildren. Often known as “kinship care,” a growing number of grandparents are taking on the parenting role of their grandchildren, thus foregoing the traditional grandparent/grandchild relationship. Grandparents who assume the role of parents often find themselves giving up leisure time, the option of traveling, and many other aspects of their independence. Instead, they take on responsibility for the day-to-day maintenance of a home, schedules, meals, homework, and play dates. In cases where tragedy required a grandparent to step into the role of parent, there are also many additional stress factors—grieving on the part of the children and the grandparents, for example—that need to be addressed.
Raising your grandchildren, while challenging, can also be incredibly rewarding. Grandparents in this position experience much greater connection to their grandkid’s world, including school and leisure activities. They often find themselves rolling back the years, rejuvenated by the constant companionship of much younger people. They also derive immense satisfaction providing their grandchildren with a safe, nurturing, and structured home environment in which to grow and feel loved.
Tips for raising grandchildren:
– Keep up your own health. Get regular checkups, follow your doctor’s advice, try to get adequate sleep and do not skip meals.
– Walk or exercise three times a week for 30 minutes or more to reduce stress, promote well-being.
– Insist on a regular quiet hour. Children can take naps or have a quiet time in their rooms. Teens can listen to their music through earphones. Learn to relax during this time.
– Take time for yourself. Look for events where grandchildren can enjoy time apart from you such as story hours at the library or activities at the YMCA, Boys and Girls Clubs, etc.
– Do something you enjoy. Participate regularly in at least one hobby or activity.
– Talk out your problems with understanding friends or other grandparents, or join a support group.
– Set limits with your grandchildren; stick to them.
– Let yourself off the hook. Your adult child’s circumstances are not your fault.
– Focus on the positive and keep your sense of humor.
– Avoid isolation. Make an effort to maintain friendships, even if it is only by telephone for now.
– Since you probably have not had to “parent” for a while, you may find it useful to look into parenting classes to learn new methods for helping children develop self-esteem, confidence, and responsibility. Source: Parenthood in America
Grandparents’ rights
Some circumstances make it necessary for grandparents to seek legal help. If there’s been a divorce, death of one parent, estrangement, or the suspicion that your grandchildren are being neglected or abused, you may want to consult a lawyer or advocacy group to ensure access to your grandchildren. Two issues arise with regard to grandparenting: custody and visitation. In either event, the goal is to maintain the children’s connection to a family beyond the nuclear family.
Step-grandparenting
Have you married another grandparent? Have your kids become stepparents? Step-grandparenting has grown as a family phenomenon because of the growing number of blended families.
As with all aspects of blended families, step-grandparenting can present awkward moments and create complex relationships—especially if there are already other grandparents in the picture.
Children might feel the need to be loyal to the original grandparents and conflicted about giving and receiving affection in the new relationship. With patience, understanding, and open communication, though, a step-grandparent can become an important part of a blended family, and a new friend for a child to love.
Tips for step-grandparents:
– Learn all you can about blended families and understand stepfamily problems.
– Get to know each stepchild as an individual.
– Give everybody time to adjust to the new blended family.
– Be patient, supportive, loving, caring, and non-competitive.
– Reserve a special place for your step-grandchild’s things at your home.
– Don’t expect to love your step-grandchildren instantly. Affection takes time.
– Even if you don’t like your step-grandchildren, at least treat them with respect.
– Family customs differ from family to family, so be flexible in your grandparent behavior.
– Talk over problems with a close friend, therapist, or support group.
©Helpguide.org. Used by permission. Lawrence Robinson and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. contributed to this article. A wealth of additional information on grandparenting is available at www.helpguide.org (click on the topic ‘Grandparenting’).
