Reduce Holiday Stress
Posted on November 3, 2015 by bob in Features
by Lisa M. Petsche
The holiday season is a hectic time for many people, due to the preparations and festivities that typically take 
place. Enjoying this time of the year is even more of a challenge for those who don’t get along well with their extended family.
Every family has dysfunction, of course, because no member is perfect. But some families are prone to more interpersonal tension than others, due to diverse personalities, circumstances, values and lifestyles among members. Here are suggestions for coping with the almost inevitable stress inherent when relatives get together.
Preparation
Make it a point to practice self-care. Eat healthy foods, make time for exercise and get adequate sleep. Allow plenty of time to get ready for a family event, so you’re relaxed and feel your best.
Set realistic expectations about family members’ behavior. The narcissist, non-stop talker or chronic complainer is not going to change. Plan to steer clear of them if possible, otherwise limit time spent with them.
Give yourself a pep talk. Reassure yourself that you are up to the challenge of gracefully handling a few hours with anyone. If necessary, pretend you have a role in a play and of course must stay in character.
If you are particularly anxious about a gathering, invite a friend along for support.
As a last resort, aim to cut your visit short. Plan something to look forward to afterwards.
During a gathering: dos and don’ts
Avoid consuming alcohol; otherwise, limit yourself to one or two drinks. Disinhibition can cause you to say things you may regret.
Be conscious of your non-verbal language: avoid frowning and crossing your arms, make eye contact and nod periodically when listening. This will help you to come across positively.
Show courtesy towards everyone. When you can’t manage any more politeness towards a particular individual, find a reason to excuse yourself.
Conjure up compassion for relatives who emanate negativity, bearing in mind that they’re unhappy individuals.
Give people the benefit of the doubt when you wonder if they’re being sarcastic or condescending. Use humor to defuse tension.
Count to ten and refuse to take the bait when someone tries to one-up you or goad you into an argument. Instead, adopt a “stupid and cheerful” demeanor — signature advice from syndicated radio host and licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Joy Browne.
Stay away from contentious topics and change the subject if others raise them. Don’t participate in gossip or put-downs of others, or bring up unpleasant events.
Engage relatives positively by reminiscing about pleasant times or inquiring about something meaningful to them, such as their children or grandchildren, work, a hobby or a recent vacation.
Breathe deeply if you find yourself getting stressed. If that doesn’t help, head to the washroom or step outside to compose yourself.
Parting thoughts
If you keep in mind that you can’t change anyone’s behavior except your own, and that it’s always within your power to be civil and, yes, even kind to a certain degree, you’ll make it through family events, perhaps even better than you anticipated.
If things don’t go well in spite of your best efforts to be congenial, plan a vacation over the holidays next year, so you can have a guilt-free break from family functions and other sources of seasonal stress.
